#just tossing that aside like a 5 year old who got bored of its toy and asking to play with a new one now ....that's not support

[uglypastels]

why are you such a bitch to the people who just want to support your work?

i'm tired bro

[mysticdoodles]

Powerful lines from Spinel that hit harder the more you watch

So I’m sure this has probably been done already BUT I’ve been having too many feelings about this movie and especially about this precious new gem so I absolutely have to gush. After watching the movie the first time through, there’s a lot of double meanings to Spinel’s lines that really make her come to life. Obviously this won’t include everything because then I might as well just link the entire dang movie. These lines are the ones that I’ve just found myself thinking about more and more as the days go by since my first watching of the film.

Spoiler alert, most of these are going to be coming from Other Friends (but that’s no big surprise).

!!-SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE YET-!!

1. “I’ve got a new style, and a few new TOYS.”

Spinel’s introduction is very well framed in a lot of ways, with her slamming down on the injector and backlit by the pink poison glow, but the dialogue is what really hit me. With the context that Pink Diamond abandoned her because Pink eventually grew bored and tired of Spinel, this line in particular struck me as very pointed. Coupled with the slam of her palm against the giant instrument of death, it speaks volumes about how Pink Diamond saw the things that she valued as hers, as well as how Spinel sees herself. Pink had tossed her aside like an unwanted doll - now SHE gets to be the one with fancy new toys, tossing aside her old self just like Pink did.

2. “Yeah yeah, I’ve heard. I’ve had your little message to the universe ON LOOP!”

Pretty blatant in context, but the more you think about it, the sadder it gets. Spinel stood in the garden for six millennia, loyal and faithful to Pink all along, praying she’d return. Instead, all Spinel gets in response is some happy message to the universe from a galaxy-wide intercom that tells her Pink Diamond lived a happy life without her. That everything else was so much better for Pink with her forgotten. That Pink made new friends. Hearing this broke her heart, and traumatized her. Yet she listened over and over to the same message - hoping it would change? Trying to deny it, and see if it wasn’t true? She had the fulfilling relationship she was denied shoved in her face over and over, until she finally gets angry enough to go vent her fury.

3. “[...] where Pink Diamond spends the rest of her days on this NOWHERE PLANET, with a bunch- of- NOBODIES!”

Pink had her own private garden; built just for her, as we know the other diamonds have no taste at all in preserving or keeping organic life. And in the efforts of the Diamond Authority to keep Pink happy, they also gave her Spinel, a gem specifically designed to be a top-of-the-line Best Friend.

And yet despite all of Spinel’s quirky and goofy nature, she was never enough for Pink. The garden, for all its beauty and catering to Pink’s desires, was never enough either. Pink traded her personal playground and ultimate playmate for a planet that was doomed to be colonized and destroyed, and for a- as she puts it- “menagerie” of gems that aren’t particularly special at all. An ‘overcooked’ Amethyst soldier, a Pearl created to be a servant rather than a friend, and a fusion that by Diamond law had been outlawed in Spinel’s time. Spinel was left in her special garden to rot, in exchange for what she views as nothing but a downgrade.

4. “What did she say about me, what did she say? What did you do without me, what did you do? Did you play games without me, what did you play? Did you think all this time that I wouldn’t find out about you?”

These are all the things that ran through Spinel’s head after finding out she’d been left behind for good. That surely Pink Diamond gossiped to her brand new friends about the one she left behind. That surely Pink included her brand new friends in every game she wanted to play that Spinel couldn’t be a part of. That surely everyone involved with Pink Diamond MUST have known about her, and chose to leave her behind. It’s her rationalization for her actions - her excuse to beat on complete strangers for the actions of one person that ruined her life.

5. “Who am I? Who am I?? What are you even saying?”

This is the moment where it hits home for Spinel - that Pink didn’t even talk to other gems about her. Spinel was so unimportant to Pink that she never even crossed her mind or came up in conversation. You can see the moment where shock takes over, and is bulldozed by even greater rage.

All those years, all that waiting, and Pink never once intended on returning, or even so much as acknowledge the existence of her previous ““best friend.””

6. “I’m the loser of the game you didn’t know you were playing!”

Aside from being probably my favorite line in the whole song, this one stuck with me for a good while. It took me until approx. the 54th loop of Other Friends to realize Spinel is being completely literal as well as metaphorical. The reason she stayed in the garden was because- to her- she WAS playing a game with Pink! A game that, by the shallow rules Pink herself set, Spinel has lost. Spinel broke the rules and moved from where Pink told her to stay, and Steven is, for all intents and purposes, what remains of Pink Diamond. He really didn’t know of this false game, none of the Crystal Gems did.

But this hit even harder in the emotional sense - Spinel lost the game long before she moved from her spot in the garden. She lost the minute Pink decided Spinel was better off forgotten on a rock in space than by her side, because her loyalty was wasted on Pink. In Spinel’s steadfast adoration of Pink, she never realized the truth until it was far too late, and she feels all the more foolish for it.

7. “Let’s play another game, this time I get to win! Lives on the line- winner takes all- ready or not, let’s BEGIN!”

Not only is this Spinel’s statement that she’s taking control back by FORCE - that SHE is now the one who gets to pick the games, and as a result, affect the lives of those she “plays” with (just like Pink) - but it’s also a very subtle admission of how this feels. Deep down in the depths of her mind, this isn’t just a mission to cause hurt in turn for the hurt she received, but also a potential suicide mission.

Sure, she might have a good chance of killing ALL of Pink Diamond’s precious new besties; with her fancy new “toys” of a jumbo-sized colony injector full of poison and a factory-reset device for gems, she stands to take out quite a few important Crystal Gems AND the Earth that stole Pink from her, before finishing what she started. But Spinel also acknowledges later in the film that Steven is respected as a legendary savior of the galaxy. She’s playing hardball with powerful figures, and she knows it. That’s WHY she went the extra effort to get such strong equipment before even showing up to the party - Steven and the Crystal Gems were a legitimate threat, who could have easily defeated or even shattered her. And for Spinel, who waited for thousands of years in what I can only describe as emotional torture in solitary confinement, shattering would be preferable to her than one more second of living in that torment.

8. “[We’re going] back, to where I never left.”

Physically leaving the garden never made her problems go away, like how Pink seemed to do with everything she grew bored of. Despite being on Earth, in this ‘new place to play’ and surrounded by gems she’d never met that she could make friends with, even Rejuvenated to be back to how she was supposed to be right out of the kindergarten, she can’t escape the damage done by Pink abandoning her. She’s unable to find happiness yet, haunted by Pink’s actions and decision to discard her. In Spinel’s mind, she’s standing in that garden. Still waiting for Pink. Still waiting for someone, anyone, to come and be her friend.

9. “I don’t want to play anymore.”

This has stopped being a game for Spinel. Attacking and hurting the people she blames for her life being ruined is no longer fun, and doesn’t make her feel better anymore. She’s losing whatever twisted enjoyment she was getting from the one small goal she set for herself to keep moving forward - revenge. So from this point onward, she’s determined to finish things - that maybe actually doing the deed and being done with it would finally make the pain go away.

10. “Why do I want to hurt you so badly? I’m supposed to be your friend... I just want to be your friend...”

Striking out from her anger and pain, Spinel finally recognizes that harming others isn’t going to change how she feels. The pain isn’t disappearing. She’s falling farther and farther from what she truly wants to be. In her heart, she DOESN’T want to harm others, and realizes that she’s lost control of herself and her actions.

And it’s her final plea to Pink Diamond, who she can never get back. That’s all she ever wanted from Pink, and in the end, was it really that much to ask?

[lapinchatain]

Anonymous sequel chp. 5

Jacob hesitated quite a bit before sending a message to Evie before Christmas holidays, asking her if she’d go home with him. They hadn’t really talked to each other during these two months after the “incident” at their birthday party and Jacob wasn’t sure it was him who’s avoiding her or the other way round. But they’d always go back to Crawley for Christmas every year, even after Father passed away. That’s the advantage (or the disadvantage) of being a family: you were always obliged to show up on the same occasions. He wasn’t sure whether it’s a good or bad thing. Both, probably.

“Same as last year,” Evie replied shortly after he sent out the message. “Do I need to get the tickets for you?  See you at Paddington. I’ll email you the tickets later.”

She was totally talking to herself, offhand and bossy as usual, with no regard to his opinion. Not that he cared. She was the one who’s always commanding since they were children, bringing him to the library in town in summer holidays and reading a book alone for a whole afternoon, leaving him bored and tired at the chess table in the hallway, or deciding that they should go to hiking summer camp instead of lying idly on the beach in Brighton, or watching The Addams Family on weekend evenings, eating her homemade pistachio ice cream instead of going to the bowling club. There was once when Father was always away for work when they were in middle school, and she was also the one who decided what meals they would have every day.

“Get some takeaway food if you don’t like it,” Evie said coldly when she saw him push the broccoli in the bacon and vegetable lasagna aside with his fork in his plate, frowning, “Just don’t ask me for money.” Though at that time he was indeed ordering takeaway food a lot, as his cooking skills “suck” and that he really didn’t want to burden her further with chores while she already had the stress for exams to cope with.

Jacob threw aside his phone and slumped heavily onto the bed, covering his eyes with an arm. He shouldn’t have made that stupid move at their birthday party. He had always been an idiot in her eyes, he knew, but it felt like the first time that he truly regretted it. Wait a minute, would she think that he’s a bad person now?

He couldn’t help but let out a groan, feeling like a middle school pupil caught in the act while smoking cigarette for the first time.

Luckily it didn’t really feel as awkward as he had imagined when they finally met each other at the train station. It was a usual cloudy morning, and Evie had just left a coffee shop in the crowded station when he saw her, giving him a paper bag and a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice, a large heavy bag on her shoulder and her navy blue suitcase in her hand.

“Chocolate filled, orange juice,” Seeming to be talking to herself, as if Jacob needed to be reminded what his favorite breakfast was, she gave him a kiss on his cheek, then stepped backward and scrutinized him with a serious air. “Too much sugar is bad for your health.” Then added, “You’ve put on some weight.”

“Bollocks.” Jacob took a huge bite on his croissant, satisfiedly tasting a mouthful of chocolate. “I thought you’d take Henry home this year.”

Evie gave him a dirty look. “Henry’s got his own plans.”

“What plans would be more important than meeting the family of one’s future wife?”

The look on Evie’s face made him know delightedly that his attempt at annoying her succeeded again.

George drove to the train station in Crawley to pick them up, his coat billowed out around him by the wind on the platform, looking somehow embarrassingly comic. For some reason, George didn’t seem to have changed a bit in Jacob’s memories, staying always the same cautious, gentle, slightly awkward and prim middle-aged man, the only difference being some more white hair in the recent years. He’s a librarian in a library in town, widower for many years and had never had children. Maybe that’s the reason why he especially doted on the twins. He used to be Father’s patient before the twins were born and according to himself, Father was his life savior. “I thought it was true when I was little, but after I went to med school, I found out it was just a minor complication.” Evie told Jacob once in her surgeon’s tone. He’d always drop by their house when they were little, bringing them all kinds of little gifts, including the first toy train Jacob ever had in his life. When they were in college, Evie would go to his library during the holidays to write her essays or study for exams and take the afternoon tea with him. “People at the library say he’d always leave every day at 16:59 sharp. How terrible”. She laughed. Jacob didn’t see Evie much different from him, nor could he figure out why he was particularly close to Father.

George left after the dinner and Jacob was washing the dishes in the kitchen downstairs, before realizing that Evie had disappeared at some point. He went upstairs and didn’t see the light on in her room, but instead felt a current of chilly air coming from the attic. He knew where she was now.

“Hey,” Jacob climbed up to the attic and leaned out of its open window. The night wind of late December was freezing down to the bone, while Evie was sitting on the roof smoking with only her gray wool sweater, trousers and socks on. Jacob went back downstairs to fetch her coat and scarf, and put on a black coat from his own room.

“Can I sit here? ”

“As long as you don’t try to kiss me this time. ”

“Too sober for that.”

“That’s true though.”

Evie let him put her coat on her shoulders quietly, giving him the cigarette she was smoking in the meanwhile. Jacob sat down next to her, taking a deep puff and throwing the unfinished cigarette away. The neighbors opposite far away had decorated their roof with colorful bright lights for the Christmas, the warm light from the windows of the house shimmering gently in the cold and silent winter night.

“Hey ! Don’t throw the cigarette butt here! ”

“Just don’t smoke altogether. Gives you cancer. ”

“As if you were the one to lecture me.”

“I’ve never got addicted anyway.”

“You’ve been saying the same since you were 15 years old.”

“Because it’s a fact. ”

Evie sighed.

“Ok, so one new thing on the list ‘things that can get Evie Frye smoke’ apart from parties and exams: ‘I dumped my brother because I made a new boyfriend.’” Evie would always climb up to the roof to smoke alone in the night during the months prior to A-levels, but she couldn’t hide it from Jacob, even though she could from Father. But it wasn’t their only secret, obviously.

“Jacob!”

“Ok ok, I’m sorry.” Jacob said hurriedly. He didn’t want Evie to get angry and leave him alone again, though the roof on Christmas Eve’s night wasn’t a particularly romantic place, not with this glacial temperature. Evie didn’t reply.

“I have thought about saying sorry to you, but I just can’t do it.” She finally said, but wasn’t looking at him. 

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for. We’re not,” Jacob put much thought into finding the right word. “Exclusive. We’ve never been. Hey, give me another cigarette.” 

Evie rolled her eyes, but still handed him another cigarette. He took it, lit it up and took a puff, watching the smoke disappearing quietly into the cold air in the dim light of the night.

“Do you remember the boyfriend I had back in middle school called Jack? I saw him on Facebook the other day, he’s in Australia now.” Jacob broke the silence.

 “You’re still using Facebook?”

“Don’t miss the point here. I mean it’s not like we can make any kind of commitment.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” 

“Ok, I know that you want to be normal.” 

“You don’t?”

“You think I’d be interested?” 

Jacob smiled and gave her the cigarette. Evie took a puff and smiled back.

“Henry has been nice to me.” She said slowly. 

“That’s quite obvious.” Jacob shrugged his shoulders.

“But he’s very serious.”

“And that scares you?”

“A bit.”

Jacob made a hum sound.

“Okay – actually I just want to know how it feels like to be in a normal relationship with someone.” Evie seemed to weight her words very carefully while she spoke, and he could sense that she was tensed. Evie wasn’t one of those people who didn’t know what they wanted. “But I’m just not that interested in – family.”

“God, you’ve only been together for a few months. Don’t tell me that he wants to take you to India to meet his grandparents this summer.” 

“Exactly what he plans to do.” 

Jacob choked on his cigarette.

“What?”

“Yes.” Evie fell in silence for a while. “I’m not sure whether I’m ready for that or not, but I know that if I’m uncertain, it’s not the right time yet.”

Probably for the first time in his life Jacob felt thankful for the sharp judgment and determination of his sister. It wasn’t that he didn’t admire that part of her before, but this time it seemed that this trait was to his advantage.

“Then don’t go.”

“I know.”

They didn’t speak for a while. Evie took the last puff, the golden red weak light quickly fading out and disappearing from the cigarette butt. She carelessly tossed it to the ground, though she had been lecturing him on not throwing cigarette butt away some minutes ago.

“Why is that?” Jacob asked suddenly.

“What?”

“The whole you’re-not-so-interested-in-family thing.” Not that Jacob was interested himself.

“Do you remember that summer, when we went to the south? When we said that things could have been different if Mother was here?”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes I think, fuck, I wish I could have a normal family.”

It was hilarious to hear Evie swear. Jacob couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“You think I’m abusing you?”

“For god’s sake Jacob, don’t be ridiculous.” Evie paused for a moment. “But you know, what we do – what we were doing – is NOT normal.”

“I know. Do you care?”

“This is like you ask me ‘our mother died when we were born, do you care?’ or ‘our Father threw us to our grandmother and didn’t come back until we were six years old, do you care?’ So, the answer is nor yes, nor no.” 

That was quite a smart answer. “It seems that you’ve finally abandoned your fervent veneration of our father and listened to the voice of reason.” He didn’t know if Evie would be mad at him for saying so, but it was a god damned truth.

“You’re right.” Evie’s reaction still surprised him. “I guess we’d just never have that chance or the will to live that normal life anymore. This is us, this is our life.” Evie said quietly, turning her head around to look at him, smiling. His heart skipped a beat, but resisted the temptation of kissing her. It felt right, it never felt wrong, but he couldn’t be a bad person. However right at this moment she leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead, then rested her head on his shoulder. He reached out and took her hand in his, and she didn’t let go.

She was right. They knew it, deep down, that this was the only life they had had, and that’s the only life they would ever have, for better or for worse. But what else could they do? A faint hope was lit up like a little candle at the bottom of his heart, but somehow Jacob felt a slight sadness permeating the air. At least that’s the sadness and loneliness that they could share, and they still had each other’s backs even if they were all alone in this big and lonely world.

“Want some more spiced wine?”

“As if I’d say no.”

***

So I really really like this chapter…the reason why I translated it into English. Damn, I can never get over my personal shit. The twins are wonderful for sharing so much in common with me.

Oh and it’s after writing this chatper that I remembered this quote I saw some time ago: “I’m nostalgic for a life that I’ve never had.”